Power struggles!

Today I am happy to report my meltdown only lasted about an hour. The power struggle between my anxious 3.5-year-old and me has me wringing my hands in frustration and I swear I have 10 new gray hairs. I didn't feel well this morning, so while Riley took her morning nap, I allowed Ethan to play in the back yard while I laid on the couch. He came in a little while later and told me he needed to poop and wanted a diaper. So today, I decided that we would try the toilet again and see if he would make some progress. I told him he only had to sit on the toilet for five minutes and just "try." So he sat. And every time 5 minutes passed, I kept telling him five more, because I just knew if he sat there long enough, he would do what he had to do. I was wrong. So wrong. He sat there for an HOUR. One whole hour. I bribed him, praised him, everything I could think to do to make it a positive experience. I finally got frustrated with it, told him that if he put on a diaper and stinkied he would get a spanking, and just put one on. Soooooo, I sent him back outside because I was furious with his refusal. I brought him back in THREE minutes later to check and sure enough, he had done it! I mean, just like that!!! Arrrrrrgh. I try so hard not to be angry, because I KNOW that he will only do it when he is ready to, but he is 3.5. There are 2-year-olds doing this already! And I know every kid is different, but Ethan is SO smart. It's amazing the connections his little brain can make already. I just think he's so insecure without his father that keeping his bodily functions the way he wants them are a control thing. He pees just fine; it's just the solids that he won't do. I mean, if he asks for a diaper, to be SURE he knows the sensation and should just sit on the toilet. I even tried putting the diaper ON and sitting him on the toilet, but to no avail. Oh well. He'll be trained before he goes off to college.

Riley is doing so well. She is growing like a weed, and she is SO happy. Everyone tells me that Ethan was a happy baby, too, but honestly, I don't remember. How sad is that? I blocked out a lot of the memories from Charlie's first deployment - Ethan memories included. It's great Charlie was gone, and I took pictures. Otherwise, there would be nothing to validate anything. She is up on all fours sometimes. I think she'll crawl within a few weeks. Pretty daunting thought. She pulls and rolls herself around the living room. It's pretty cute. She has a tooth that poked through. She's pretty content. Just a joy. She sure does love being held.

I miss Charlie more than usual today. I really could have used his patience and understanding. I bet if he trained Ethan, it would be finished in 2 days. Ethan wants to do whatever his daddy does. It's cute and frustrating all at once. I love the fact that he adores his daddy, but I loathe the fact that I am the one left behind to make all this happen, and he only wants his dad. It's a pretty helpless feeling. But we do what we can. Only a few more months until R&R. Four months and some change. I think I can, I think I can.....