Such a Grouchy Grinch

I can't say I've always been one to have a bubbly Christmas spirit. I get we celebrate Jesus' "birth." (I only quote it because, well, does anyone really KNOW the exact day he was born?) So, I get that this season is a representation of Jesus and his salvation. But I've never been one to go get Christmas pictures made, go shopping on Black Friday, watch the Macy's parade, etc. My family has always gotten a tree, decorated it, made Christmas cookies, sang in the choir, broke bread with family over another turkey, and rang in the New Year with black-eyed peas.

But Christmas this year is melancholy for me. I know we make every situation what it is. The glass can either be half full or empty. I admit to be a pessimistic optimist. I really tend to skip over that silver lining and see storm clouds. But with Charlie gone this year, I really feel like half of my heart is missing. The last deployment, I had my mom and dad around all the time, decorating, playing their holiday music and being in the spirit of things. They kept me busy. All I have here is our beautiful home that it devoid of warmth because of his absence.

How can I even be so selfish? Charlie is 3,000 miles away from home, family, and friends, and I have the gall to sit here at this computer and take the time to complain. But I sure do miss him. It's hard to get into the spirit of things when everyone talks about how Christmas is all about family. Well, my family isn't complete, and even though my extended family does a good job of filling in the blanks, he's still not here. So forgive me if I'm a little grumpy. Forgive me if I'm not putting up the facade at all times. I'm strong for my kids. I smile for them. But there are times when the Grinch in me really wants to just go to sleep and wake up on January 1.